Cingular
is the new name of my cellular telephone company. It used to be named BellSouth
Mobility. Before that, I think it was just BellSouth, and before that,
it was Southern Bell, and before that, I'm sure it was several other things.
If you go far enough back, you'd probably find out that at one time, the
name actually included the words "telephone company," so you could tell,
from the name, what it did, which today would be a serious violation of
business ethics.
--
Dave Barry |
Am I the only one who's nervous about automatic bill payment?
No offense to the billing departments of the world, but if some computer
glitch puts a $340 phone call to Tunisia on my bill, I don't want it automatically
deducted from my checking account. So despite my desire to do as much as
possible from my computer (read: I'm lazy), I generally steer clear of
such arrangements.
But then AT&T, my long-distance carrier since my first apartment, offered
me a $25 gift certificate to Amazon.com if I signed up for online bill
payment. I wavered. After all, we're talking about $25 in free books. They
sure knew how to get me. I meandered around their web site, and found that
I would have the chance to review my bill and approve the charges.
They got me. I signed up, right under the banner that said, "Free $25 Amazon.com
gift certificate!"
Then the fun began.
Two months went by, and still no gift certificate. Finally I sent a polite
e-mail, wondering when I'd be getting my certificate. I received a polite
email informing me that I was ineligible for the promotion because I did
not sign up at a participating web site. I responded by telling them that
I signed up on the AT&T web site, right under the banner ad offering
the certificate.
Suddenly, AT&T decided I wasn't me, and said that customer information
was proprietary. I responded with my phone number and access codes, and
then they relented and decided to continue talking to me. Once again, they
told me that I hadn't signed up at a promotional web site. This is the
corporate version of "liar liar pants on fire."
By this point, I was getting irritated. So I decided to be a snot.
Dear
AT&T:
I understand that your records somehow show a discrepancy. However,
as a customer, I must remind you that I signed up on YOUR web site, directly
under the banner that offered the gift certificate. Whatever your records
say, I know what the web site told me. If you had not offered that promotion,
it is unlikely that I would have chosen online billing.
If you refuse to honor this promotional offer, I will report your activity
to the Illinois attorney general's consumer protection division as a possible
violation of the Illinois Consumer Fraud and Deceptive Business Practices
Act. I would regret such an action, as I have been pleased with my long-distance
service so far, and I have been an AT&T customer for many years. I
suggest you reevaluate your customer service practices, as clearly you
are more concerned with avoiding honoring a minor gift certificate than
with keeping loyal customers.
Please pass this along to your supervisors and inform me of your decision.
You're not going to believe what they sent back.
Dear
Elizabeth Donald:
Thank you for contacting AT&T Online Customer Service. I received
your inquiry regarding the Amazon.com gift certificate promotion.
As indicated in our previous response, we are unable to provide you
with this certificate since your order was not placed from a website offering
the certificate incentive. You are welcome, however, to participate in
one of AT&T's other promotions designed to recognize and reward your
use of AT&T as your long distance carrier. As a loyal AT&T
Customer, you can also take advantage of the AT&T Travel Rewards program.
AT&T Travel Rewards consists of the following program options:
- Marriott Rewards (R)
- Starwood Preferred Guest
- Continental Airlines (R) OnePass
You are a valued customer and we appreciate your business.
Obviously not.
Okay, in all fairness, I was being a snot when I suggested the consumer
protection division. But suddenly I'm serious. Come on, I'm asking for
them to honor their own promotion, and they offer to sign me up for their
travel program instead? Is this any way to run a railroad?
Who is training these people? I mean, when you call up a customer service
line, do you get an intelligent human being, or do they replace part of
their brains with microchips made by Malaysian monkeys?
It's not just AT&T - in trying to get my ZIP drive repaired last week,
I went through three different technical support geeks. Each one started
off the same way: "Did you try connecting the drive to another port?" The
email directly in front of them listed everything I'd tried. Over and over
again, I had to explain the same problem. Finally, they told me to follow
a link to a web site, and I would get a replacement drive. I followed the
link - to an error site. It's as though the entire customer service world
has been locked in a razor-wire cage in Cuba until their frontal lobes
disintegrate, then they sit in a cubicle and answer the phone with a script.
I should be nicer to these folks. After all, my husband works in technical
support, and is blasted by rude customers who don't listen to his suggestions.
A customer once threatened to drive down from Chicago and shoot him if
he couldn't make the cable modem work. I can't make this stuff up.
We're in the middle of a recession. Retaining customers is generally considered
a good idea, even if they're being snots. Customer service through the
internet makes life better for everyone - no one's on hold, you've got
time to work out an answer without spending your life on the phone. But
there still has to be an intelligent, trained human being on the other
end of the line.
Otherwise, we'll just take our money elsewhere. |
